100 Business Days Out: Day 75 - The Bell Lap

If this was 8/08/08 and the Olympics were in full swing then "the bell lap" would be more top of mind. But, since we are close, I will jump ahead and use the metaphor. This is day 75 of my 100 Business Days Out. If I was running the mile (or 1500 meters) I would be hearing the bell ring as I completed the third of four laps. That is the bell lap. So, here I am heading into the final 25 days business days out and how do I feel? As succinctly as I can put it would be: fear and anxiety have been replaced with contentment and rest. I can honestly say that I have moved from the stage of worry about what is next into now being at peace with not knowing. Of course that could be that I am relishing the schedule of the retiree. I know that is so because I feel infringed upon when something invades the schedule. I also know that I feel much better about the divorce of self worth and work. That is not all gone yet, but nearly. And, what a struggle that has been for me. For anyone who I ever counseled and told them that they could not let the two of these become interwoven, I was right, but I was not coming from a place of where I was practicing what I preached. Now, I can authentically say that I know the struggle that this causes. I have a friend who years ago went through a tough loss of his very senior position in a very big and high profile corporation. Since then he has bounced from one start up to another and tried his hand at his own thing a few times. Along the way he has had some real personal and family struggles. After all of this, I wish I had been there for him to help him see, what may have been the underlying issue that his self-worth and the big company title (and the trappings that came with it) was not who he was and that he was okay to be who he was without the rest of the stuff. I now go into my bell lap not afraid of what might or more likely will not be there for me on the other side. As you know, I am a runner and one of the things I learned a long time ago is that in the bell lap, you give it your all and you don't leave anything on the track. You have to cross the finish line with all you have. For me that means hunkering down even more to spend this precious time I have to learn as much as I can about myself, find the peace and rest I so desired, rekindle and brighten flickering relationships and keep my self-worth as far away from work as I can. May I continually hear the bell loud and clear on this last lap.