100 Business Days Out: Day 50 - Halfway Mark

Wow...50 days...already. I look back on the first 49 posts of this series of my blog and I wonder if there is really anything different on day 50 than there was on day one. I started this blog as a cathartic set of ramblings to help me through the transition and changes that one goes through when they go cold turkey out of work. As someone said to me the other day, "you workaholics need a 12 step program or a good detox period". Oh, so true. I seriously thought that by now I would be through the changes and would have a very clear picture of the future and that the last half of this blog series would focus on the readiness and the relaxation of preparing for the next chapter. Can't say that it turned out that way. At the halfway mark I am a lot better than I was, but still a little dazed and confused (not the worst way to be by the way but not natural for me). If I take a snapshot assessment of right now, today, I would say that I am much more grateful of the gift that time is than I thought I would be. Time to think is still elusive but time to dedicate on things I choose versus others is a beautiful thing and something that I do see as a precious and should not be taken for granted. Uneasiness about what the future holds remains a constant. The fear of losing relevance has subsided some but still lingers and rears its head every now and then. So, it's not all clear yet and maybe it is never supposed to be so, but I think what I know at the halfway mark is that the clarity does not come in the outcome, the clarity comes in the process of getting there. That is where the learning resides. That is where the introspection makes a difference. What will be noteworthy in the next 50 business days is that 40 or so of those will be spent with Patti and me in Rhode Island at our place there...that is when things slow down to a clam's pace...that is when the time for reading and writing takes place...that is where the answers may be hiding. We'll find out...together. On to the next 50!