100 Business Days Out: Day 93 - YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE...(#8 Lesson)

...WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS LOOKING. It is true, you are who you are when no one else is looking. I knew this going into the 100 Business Days Out, but I did not comprehend it as fully as I know it now. What I know now, after this time of no one else looking is that there is a "me" that becomes the default for the things I will do and not do when left to my own time, demands and constraints. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago who is a recruiter and he says that he sees a lot of executives who go to take time off and they end up in a bad place with bad behaviors, etc. I guess I can see that happening to people too as their default mode would be that when no one is looking. For me, I have found that when no one is looking I have come back to the basics: spirituality, relationships, physical conditioning, and doing my best within those three areas. It's not really true that I never have anyone looking, as there is family and friends and they each set their own level of accountability with me, but when I remove all others (work and outside influences) I find a life baseline that is more me than not. What I have also found to be true is when I remove these other "eyes" that I am driven more on fundamental principles of human nature. For example, I have found that bad habits are easy to establish and hard to break and good habits are hard to establish and easy to break. That is why, when all is said and done, I need others to be looking. I need others; family , friends, and yes, the outside influences to help me be accountable and be stronger than what I would be without them. I think of just the simple things that I do for myself that are good. I am a runner. I like to run and when I don't, I get irritable and don't feel good about myself. So, I will run, with or without others watching. But, to run a little further, push myself a little harder and add a stronger base for the future, I need other influences to push me. Signing up for a race and then letting others know I am going to do it helps me get pushed to train harder and complete the race as best I can. I can take this philosophy into my spiritual and relationship categories of my life as well. So, I have learned that I am who I am, regardless, but to think that life can be lived in a cocoon and still become the best I can be, is a fallacy. I need to have others watching to be the best I can be.

100 Business Days Out: Day 92 - REAL FRIENDS (#9 Lesson)

As hard as it is to realize, your "real friends" are those that call and reach out to you when they don't need anything from you. During this 100 Business Days Out, I have seen both sides of this. Early in the time away there was a flurry of people who reached out to "help and assist". They were well intentioned and they would have done what I needed if there was something to be done. And, I want to believe that they would have done it because they wanted to, not because they knew if they did something for me, I would be there to return the deed in the future. Then there were those who knew I had time on my hands and they reached out for me to assist them. This ranged from taking meetings, reviewing businesses, giving career advice, making connections and introductions, etc. I did a lot of this. It felt (superficially I have since learned) connected and "in the game". These were the most disappointing interactions as some of them became very deep and elongated and at the end of what the other person needed, they disappeared. In fact, with two long time friends who were going through job changes I spent a whole bunch of hours on the phone with them and then never heard anything since. In fact, one of them, after giving references, talking to the headhunter to help build his development plan in the new company, etc. I can't even get an email response back from him to see how things turned out. What I have determined is that while these are people who I would call good friends, they are not "real friends". What I have learned is that "real friends" are the ones who care about you and reach out to help when there is no return need, or no need at all other than to be there for you. During these 100 Days Out for me, there have been six people who fit into this category. These are the people who have been checking in by email or phone calls to just "see how you are". You know who you are, and I thank you. What this lesson as taught me is that as I build this next phase of life that the time I have to spend should be spent with those that meet the criteria of "real friends". With so little time left, it is more important than ever to recognize that this is where it should be spent. The lesson also tells me that I need to do my own soul-searching and decide who I can be a "real friend" to as well. I am just as guilty as the others and I am sure there are people who feel the same about me as I might feel about them when I don't call or write. The lesson goes both ways and it is a real lesson to learn; the lesson of how to be a real friend.